I have a dear friend who also has cancer. She advised me to write and share some of my more personal thoughts--and so this is a more serious entry. These were feelings I wrote down last night and wanted to share with all of you. May you always know of my love and thanks for you.
I just want to share some feelings. First of all, during radiation today, right before I was to do it, I started coughing a lot. I got a tickle in my throat, and couldn’t stop. Joyce, the nurse, brought me some water, and she and the two radiation guys just kind of watched me, hoping I could settle down. I have to be super still when I am getting the radiation…so they can go precisely to where the tumor is. I usually close my eyes when I’m doing it, so that I can be as still as possible. I just didn’t know how I was going to do it today. I told the “zappers” that I would really try to make “mind rule over matter.” I laid there, and I could feel the prayers of others, especially my roommate, Suzy Jensen, who was out in the waiting room, help me be able to control that cough. I really felt like it was a “tender mercy” of the Lord—that He granted me, in a small but very important way, the ability to not cough. I feel like He answers prayers in very little, but tangible ways. I was so grateful I could get through that treatment. I didn’t have problems coughing for the rest of the day. I was really blessed.
I need to say that sometimes I feel so unworthy of the ways we are being blessed…and me in particular. I would never have thought that I could say that cancer is a blessing…but I have felt the real tangible blessing of people praying for me. I have felt extremely blessed with the support I have gotten. I feel like my tumor has shrunk (or at least I’m able to eat some things better than I could) because people are thinking about me and exercising faith in my behalf. I get calls and visits and wonderful cards and emails that strengthen and help me. I get constant validation from so many people—and they are being the Lord’s hands to me. It has been very sweet to have my roommate, Suzy Jensen, be here. She is so quick to help in every way—made meals, and cleaned my house…but best of all, she has been here to spend time with me and with my kids. She so genuinely cares about us. These are all gifts from my Heavenly Father…and I am so grateful.