Feeling Better--HOORAY!

Today has been a good day. I have felt well, I have been able to work out, I have had 2 naps (note--that is one more than my sister, Kathy, has had), and I've even gotten some things done. It is wonderful to feel better--I know it probably won't last, but it's been nice. I have also found that I am getting a ton of service that I probably don't deserve...but we are thankful for it. My sister and a friend from our ward have done ironing for me. WOW--Spence says he's never seen so much of our ironing done. :) I also haven't done cooking for a while--I am getting spoiled. I guess there IS compensation for having cancer. You are all making my life easy for me. Thanks so much. :)I feel like a bum. However, I do have some opportunities that the rest of you don't have--I get to lie under a moving machine every morning that zaps me with radiation from all different angles. That zapping machine is going to make me better. I also get to work out with other people who have heroically met the challenge of cancer, and are working to beat it. The people who give me radiation are becoming my friends--they are positive and encouraging, and I am thankful for their daily cheerleading. They even oohed and aahed over the family pictures that I brought to show them this morning. That scores big in my book!

Well,take care of yourselves, and know that you are loved. Our Father in Heaven loves all of us...and He hurts when we hurt. I am thankful to know that I am His daughter, and that He knows the things I am dealing with. Have a great Wednesday!

Another day at the Piper Cancer Center

This has not been a very eventful day--round 2 of radiation. The radiation technicians told me that i looked TIRED...which always makes you feel tired. I had lost 3 pounds, which is not good in my state--however, the real problem is that they weigh me in different clothes,therefore I'm going to weigh differently. It also makes a big difference that I was wearing tennis shoes one day and was barefoot today. So it's not quite as bad as they think it is. I met with the radiologist oncologist who is super nice, and with her nurse. I went up to work out, but I wasn't feeling so well today, and I had time limits, so I only worked out for about 20 minutes.
My sister, kathy, flew in today from California, and it's been nice to have her here. She is pretty easy to have around--and she is a napper like me, so if I am tired, she is very accommodating, and joins me in a nap! We went for a short walk, and she helped with dinner, and it's just nice to have her here.
I appreciate all the suggestions of things to do--I hope to have some goals and get some things done each day--they may not be much, but hopefully I'll do something. I finished a book today--very light reading, but fun. I DO hope my niece, Melanie, will come over and make me laugh during one of my treatments--she can make me laugh almost better than anyone. I am going to look up some of these books/talks on CD, and listen to those. So, thanks to everyone, who gave me different suggestions. :)

One of the things that you really realize during a time like this is that life goes on...even if yours has pretty much stopped for you. Homework still needs to be done, life can still be traumatic, and feelings get hurt. I guess it really is a blessing that life does go on, and that there's some normalcy when your world kind of turns upside down. I had some visitors today, and that was really nice--people are the greatest kinds of blessings we can have. Thanks to all of you for caring, for calling, for emailing, and for just keeping me in your thoughts. I love you all, Louise

Done with Round 1

Hello everyone. What a weekend this has been. It was wonderful to see so many friends and loved ones at church. I was able to stay at church for the whole 3 hours, and that was great. We had great lessons, and even though I was wiped out when I was finished, I'm glad I could stay. I found out that I got a little weak if I stood for too long, but I was all right sitting down.

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I guess I got the delayed-reaction effects of chemo. I just felt kind of yucky all day long. I laid around most of the day, although I was able to get some of the wash done. Nothing gets done very fast these days...but we DO have clean sheets! I didn't feel like eating at all, and taking any kind of medication is just not easy. I think I am definitely a "rebel eater." The thought of putting anything in my mouth and trying to swallow it, is really difficult for me. I am thankful for the feeding tube, because when I don't feel like eating anything, at least I'm getting some nutrition in me. Spence wins the prize as great caregiver of the world. He is so patient and caring to me all the time. He is so aware of me all during the night, and is ready to help me in any way he can. He continues to make me feel so loved. It's funny how the "little things" really mean the most. Last night I kind of fell apart at dinner. Brady immediately got up from his chair, and came over to give me hugs and a back rub. WOW--did that make me feel good! Kelsey is always checking in with me, to make sure if I'm eating anything or how I'm feeling. She is such a sweetheart.

I am trying to think of ways to combat the feelings when I feel yucky--and suggestions would be welcome. I have always loved music, and get a lot of comfort from that--sometimes I need spiritually uplifting music, and sometimes I need fun music like "Wicked," or other Broadway shows...or jazz, which reminds me of my mom and dad. I like to read, but when you aren't feeling good, sometimes it's hard to concentrate on that. Anyway, if you have any ideas that have worked for you, please send them on. Thanks for all your kind thoughts, posts, and fun words. I hope you know each and every day that I love you...and am so thankful for all of you. Tomorrow is the beginning of the second week of treatments--one week down! HOORAY!! Love you lots, Louise

YIKES--the first day of CHEMO!

All right, guys--here is the deal. I have very funny kids who write fun things on this blog. I am not funny like they are--but I check my entries, and very few people comment on my entries.I know they are pretty boring, but I am feeling slightly overlooked!! So please every once in a while, at least acknowledge that I wrote something. I am sure my tumor would shrink more if it felt like I was being noticed! Just a little something to prick your consciences, and make me feel like someone is reading my entries too. Just a little note for those of you who do comment--you are the best!! :) Support your local blog writers!

Well, today was the BIG day. I started chemo. I was a little worried because for the first time last night I was woken up by my chest pains. We wondered what that meant (and always go with the worst-case scenario!) However, the physician's assistant who works with our main doctor (and is about our favorite person that we work with) wasn't worried, and was very reassuring. She also gave me some stronger narcotics to deal with the pain. I will take them tonight, but I have felt practically no pain since she gave me some Tylenol this morning. WE were there in the hospital till almost 2:30 (starting at 8:30 this morning), but it went all right. First they gave me two different painkillers and anti-nausea medicine. One of the medicines they gave me was benadryl. The chemo lady, Sue, told me that I might get a little loopy or I might get a little nauseous from it...or I could just give in to it, and go to sleep. I took option #3 and was out for quite a while. Katie came partway through the treatment, and I told her that I knew I was going to sleep so she might as well just go home. Spence was there for a good part of the treatment also. They have been so understanding at work, and tell him that he can be with me at any time. His favorite part of the whole morning was when I was first brought into the doctor's office by a nurse who was going to take my blood. ANd she asked me which arm I could give blood out of. She looked at my left arm (where the PICC is) and said, "Oh, I guess I should use your right arm." And I totally went along with her. It was only when Spence pointed out that the reason I had the PICC line was so that I could give blood without being poked. Aren't we smart? I was only in the hospital overnight last week to make that possible. Thank heavens we have Spence to help us see the right way--otherwise, we would be lost!
I slept this afternoon for about an hour, but then have been pretty energetic since then. The effects may hit me tomorrow or Saturday, but I really can't complain about how the day went. ALso, BIG NEWS--I don't have to give up aloe vera juice. Katie found some that is flavored, and it is much more tolerable. I may be able to drink this stuff after all.

Today was a much more important day than the first day of our therapy--it was the one-year-old birthday of our one and only fabulous grandson, Logan! What an eventful year this has been for all of us. Take care. I love you, Louise

Watch out for flying boogers!

Hey ya'll Katie here.

First off I would like to thank all of you for the support you have offered my family, and most importantly my mother. Please do not be afraid to keep the emails and phone calls coming.

Things are going really well on the home front. Mom is amazing me at how positive and strong she is being. I know that this strength is a direct response to the hundreds of prayers and good thoughts being sent our way so please keep 'em coming. I know that this cancer is something we can beat as a family.

Today was the first day of chemo and mom took it like all the other more "mature" (old) people in the chemo room, asleep. I had to go to the dentist at 9 to get some work done and when I got to the hospital around 10:15 mom was drowsy from the benadryl and fell right asleep. Then dad arrived and took her home so i could whisk Kelsey to work at the good old DQ.

I was glad that it wasn't too hard on her and she didn't have a reaction to the chemotherapy drugs they administered. I think this was the most dreaded day of the whole process, and I m glad it is done and over with. Now we just need to make sure mom isn't exposed to any sort of sick people so please keep your boogers and other bodily fluids to yourself. Or as the chemo nurse sue said "Watch out for flying boogers!"

We also got some pain medication for the chest pain that my mom has been experiencing and I hope that helps! Now all we need is some chill pills to keep my dad from worrying to much.
However, it really has been amazing to watch my parents support and love each other so much. I am not sure if this has already been recorded, but at the beginning of this journey my father said that after loving someone for as many years as he has loved Louise, you are willing to do anything for that person. I am so glad that my family is an eternal one and they my parents can continue growing and loving each other in this life (for many many more years), and in the life to come!

We have already gone wig shopping and mom looked so funny in some of the wigs we tried one, this one is my favorite! brings us back to her hippie days!!


I have to head back to Utah to start school on Saturday I am not excited to leave but I know that all of you and the Lord will be a good eye on my mom and make sure she eats, the house is clean, she remains cheerful, and wraps her bandages when she showers, oh and most importantly MOM!!! DRINK YOUR ALOE VERA and I know it's gross but I know it will help!

Thanks to all those who have posted puffs!!!



Let me know if i have missed any! Or if more come!

Keep puffing!!!!

Halfway through the First Week!

Last night Spence wrote a very thorough description of what is going on. I hope if you have any questions, you'll ask. I'll be sure to ask him and then he'll answer. :) Today was a tough day, not because I felt any more pain or treatments are getting worse--just because I had a melt-down about this whole thing. Sometimes it just hits me (that I am REALLY going through this), and I kind of fall apart. You are all so encouraging--but still it is surreal to me.

I had my 3rd treatment today. Still the radiation is going all right. I am tired, but again I'm not sure that that is related to the treatments or if I'm just pampering myself. I do take it easier, just so that I can have energy to do what I need to do. (actually at times like this you realize that there is very little you really HAVE to do). I tried to do some work around the house today, but would rest in between doing things. I have 3 very protective sisters who want to make sure that I am taking care of myself. Instead of having my mother around, I have these great sisters who "mother" me a lot. :)

I got to officially sign up for an exercise program, and worked with the cancer personal trainer (only way I would probably ever get a personal trainer!) to set up a program. He just had me get on some different machines--a treadmill, a bicycle, and then a machine that works both your arms and legs (not an elliptical). I also did some step-up things, and some squats. I worked out for almost 45 minutes, and it felt great. I get so hot when I exercise, but he is quick to position the fan so it blows on me just right. Tomorrow I'll be there for a long time because of the chemo (could be 3 or 4 hours), and so I won't work out probably on the chemo day...but other days I will.

I have some terrible eating habits. I still try to eat things that are solid...just to get some variation of tastes in my mouth. Today Kelsey made cinnamon rolls, and I was determined to get one of those down. Little by little (eensy, teensy bites) along with water to wash them down, I DID eat the whole thing. I still am taking the gag-me-royal aloe vera juice. I truly do hate it. I try to take it in the morning so I don't have to think about it for the rest of the day...but like today it is almost 9:00, and I haven't taken it. I will have nightmares if I take it now...so don't tell my nutritionist that I didn't take it. If I suffer through a burning throat with an inability to swallow, we'll blame it all on the fact that it is so hard to take aloe vera juice.

I also am having to eat many of the mothering words. One thing I coudln't stand as my kids were growing up, was BURPING. I hated it--I thought it was rude and obnoxious, and VERY poor manners. Now, because I have this feeding tube, and a very narrow passageway in my esophagus (at some places I have NO passageway), I burp all the time. I make myself sick. My kids laugh and tell me I'm a big hypocrite for not practicing what I've always preached. I'm sure there are many more times I will eat my words and do things that have always disgusted me. There is no justice in this at all.

Well, friends, loved ones, etc. I DO love you all. Thanks for keeping up with my blog, and for writing me...and for keeping in touch. I know I'm not in this alone--what a blessing that is!! Good Thursdays to you all, Louise

The Plan of Attack

Many of you have wondered what exactly we are doing to fight this esophageal cancer and why we have taken the approach we have. As Louise is beginning the radiation and chemo, this week, I thought I would describe in more detail what is going to take place. As you know, we have met several times with the medical oncologist, Dr. Patrick Donovan, the radiation oncologist, Dr. Diane Recine and several members of their staff, including a nutritionist. They have put together a plan that they feel will be the most effective for fighting this type of cancer.

The general plan is that they will administer radiation therapy called intensity modulated radiation from a large machine called a linear accelerator also called Novalis. At least thats what I think they said (our nephew Jaymeson Stroud could probably describe it better). Louise will receive treatment Monday through Friday each week for about 6 weeks depending on how she responds to it. They could give her a one or two week "boost" after that. They mapped out the exact area of the tumor and affected nodes and the specified margins around the affected area with a pet scan and a cat scan. Someway they fused these scans with their computer programs and they know precisely 3-D where to shoot the radiation beam. I watched them from their "control center" the first day and they walked me through each step along the way. They had 5 screens that they were working from, one of which was videoing Louise under the machine. The machine shot the beam from many different angles to the target. Since it was all pre-programmed, they pushed the right buttons and the radiation hit the exact target from many angles. It was interesting how, when the beam might hit some tissue from adjacent organs, it would stop shooting until it rotated to the correct cancer cells. The radiation is very accurate which minimizes the chances of damaging the wrong tissues. The whole process only took about 10 minutes. She will go through the same procedure each day. The cumulative effect of the radiation increases each day. It is like you get a sunburn on top of yesterday's sunburn each day.

Dr. Racine felt like the tumor might shrink within two weeks of radiation to a size that might allow her to even eat solids again. As you know she eats only liquids now and about 80% of her liquid intake is through her food tube directly into her stomach. The radiation might also irritate the esophagus enough that it might hurt too much to eat. We shall see.

During the same 6 weeks of radiation therapy, Louise will have chemotherapy, once a week for those 6 weeks. She will be receiving two types of chemo called Taxol and Carboplatin. One or both of them are supposed to enhance the radiation in the cancer tissues. The effects of the radiation last longer with these chemicals. The radiation also makes it easier for the chemo to attack the cancer cells and kill them. Of course, as most of you know the chemo goes after faster dividing cells in the body which is what cancer cells do. Hair cells also divide quickly and that is why she will probably lose her hair.

After 6 weeks of the radiation and chemotherapy, they will stop giving her all radiation and chemo so her body can heal and her immune system can strenghen and attack the other cancer cells which might be in her system. After the 6 weeks of therapy and 6 weeks off, they will again do the pet and cat scans and see what has happened. Dr. Donovan said, with this type of cancer, about 1/3 of the time they find that the radiation and chemo are completely effective. The tumor is gone and there is no evidence of cancer in the body. With this situation she would not have to have any surgery. (This is our pick for sure). 1/3 of the time the tumor will be much smaller but it will be necessary to operate and remove it. They would take the upper part of the stomach and part of the esophagus. They would either just pull the stomach and reconnect it to the upper part of the esophagus or would use part of the intestine to become part of the esophagus. This alternative might also bring about a cure. The third situation would be that the cancer would have spread and there wouldn't be the necessity to have any surgery.

Sunday Louise and I spoke with a very dear friend of ours, John Shaw, who was my brother Ron's radiation oncologist. I give him credit for helping to extend Ron's life another 4 years. Anyway, he knew our doctors very well and knew the facilities and machinery that we are using. Dr. Racine was a past partner of his. He said that we could not find better doctors or facilities at Mayo, Huntsman in SLC or Anderson in Texas. So, we were very encouraged. Dr. Shaw told us that our plan was exactly right for this type of cancer and was optomistic for the results.

Louise has been a real trooper with all of this. She has a lot of courage and is ready to go through what she must to get better. She has endured a lot already with the inability to swallow food for the last 3 months. Though she has lost 22 pounds at this point she has now stabilized her weight by making sure she eats right and keeps her calorie intake high. She has a positive attitude and has also endured the constant pain in her chest very well. All of your acts of love and prayer has made such a difference to her. She is overwhelmed by all of your friendship and love and encouragement. Thanks so much to all of you. I hope this overview of what she will go through in the next 3 months, will give you a better feel for what is happening.

My best to all of you, Spence